It’s your birthday and you’re having a party. Who to invite? Let’s see…you want to invite the people you think are going to give you the best presents or help you have the best time (i.e. – they bring their own booze)– and I guess you’ll have to invite your friends too. Is it just going to be the girls? Or should you throw some 2-legged meat in there as well for entertainment? You know keep the party hopping (or bumping and grinding depending on how much booze they brought). It’s your party so you can do whatever you like. Invite whoever you choose and kick-out any bitch who shows up with a gift-wrapped box of macaroni and cheese. In this case, it’s not the thought that counts…

To view “Paco’s Happy Birthday” and other cool Viva Vogue E-Cards like it visit www.vivavogue.com. Don’t forget to check the site weekly to see all the latest and amazing Viva Vogue E-Cards available. Send them to your sisters; send them to your friends. Join the worldwide revolution!

It’s been a long day at work, the phone’s been ringing off the hook and you’re stressed and you’re tired. The last thing you feel like doing is getting all dressed for a night on the town to go man hunting. You’d rather light a few candles and sip on a glass of wine while you soak in a steaming oatmeal and lavender bubble bath. The ambiance is perfect – romantic and sensual – and suddenly you’re feeling a bit horny. Just for a second you wish you’d given that cute man in the elevator your phone number…but then you remember the beauty of electronics…they don’t talk back and you don’t need to lie when you say “Oh my God baby, that was incredible!” Some times when you absolutely need a sure thing after a long hard day, it’s just better to take matters into your own hands…

To view “Mimi in the Bathtub” and other cool Viva Vogue E-Cards like it visit www.vivavogue.com. Don’t forget to check the site weekly to see all the latest and amazing Viva Vogue E-Cards available. Send them to your sisters; send them to your friends. Join the worldwide revolution!

Let’s face it – the majority of the time dating flat out sucks! You spend hours getting ready, primping and priming in front of the mirror. Changing outfits, changing shoes then changing purses…then changing them all back again because you suddenly realize the shirt you want to wear has a spaghetti sauce stain on the sleeve courtesy of the last moron you dated and his inability to twirl the pasta on his fork without twirling all the sauce half way across the restaurant. Then you go on the date and realize he’s a complete and total jackass! Ladies…we’ve all been there and done that. Finding the perfect date needs to be simplified somehow…no idle chit chat, no stories about how his baby toe curls the wrong way…just the cold, hard facts. Yes or no? Does he make the cut?

To view “Speed Dating” and other cool Viva Vogue E-Cards like it visit www.vivavogue.com. Don’t forget to check the site weekly to see all the latest and amazing Viva Vogue E-Cards available. Send them to your sisters; send them to your friends. Join the worldwide revolution!

So just a follow-up to my last post…I’ve had all kinds of people wanting me to elaborate on the person I did purposely ram with my shopping cart…It was a man.  He was hot.  I bought him a drink to make up for it.  We had sex.  There are you satisfied now…

Gabby Out

So I’m walking down the frozen food aisle today at the grocery store…looking for something to eat that didn’t taste like cardboard and I accidently rammed the lady in front of me with my cart.  She did one of those quick “shit I just passed the organic peas” stops and I had no time to react or swerve.  Well you would have thought I’d stuck a firecracker up her ass the way she jumped.  I mean…please!  It was a little tap - not enough to even break the skin.  And it was an accident.  Honestly it was…although I do admit that I did once do it to someone on purpose.  Don’t judge - I had my reasons.

Sure I may have been following to close but I certainly wasn’t going high speed and she was the one that didn’t signal before stopping.  I did feel bad until she turned around and started yelling and cursing at me at the top of her lungs.  Everybody was staring…at her and starting to laugh.  Once she realized she was making a scene, she flicked her hair back and stormed off down the aisle in a big huff.  What did she want from me?  Apparently my apology wasn’t good enough for her.  Maybe she thought I purposely “took her out” so I had first dibs on the 2 for 1 Pizza Pops…

Whatever…sometimes people drive me crazy.

Gabby out -

Hello all!  Okay I’m back!  Sorry it’s been so long since I last posted (I know you missed me) but I have a good explanation.  Frank, the jackass who lives in the apartment above my beautiful salon got piss-assed drunk one night and decided to take a bath.  Not that I have problem with a man wanting to take a bath or anything…that’s a whole other post I think.  Anyway…he turns the taps on full blast, adds a full bottle of pine-scented pot pourri oil (that his ex-girlfriend gave him to use because his shit smelt so bad)…and staggers to his bedroom to get undressed.  That’s as far as he made it.  He passed out cold, buck-naked on his floor…

Meanwhile…the water in the tub continued to rise and rise and rise…for the next 6 hours while he lay in a pool of his own beer-tinged drool.  Of course the water had to go somewhere…and you guessed it…right through the ceiling and into the salon!  Needless to say, I was not a happy person the next morning when I arrived at Glamatopia and found a huge chunk of ceiling lying all over my salon and water rushing in like it was bloody Niagara Falls.  I was not pleased.  And Frank…well he’s now short a ball and talking like Mickey Mouse.

It’s taken me a while to get things cleaned up and get back on track - so please forgive me - and if you don’t?  Well I really couldn’t give a fuck…

Gabby out

I really don’t get it.  Every time I am at the grocery store I see something about Lauren Conrad or Hiedi and Spencer.  Why does anyone care? Aren’t these just more famous people famous for nothing.  I tried to watch an entire show and wow- boring! There are some really cute, sexy, SMART, girls out there that would more interesting to watch.  The Hills for me is like watching paint dry.  It is a flash back to Valley Girls, just with better clothes.  The girls that come in and out of this salon are far more interesting than anyone on The Hills.  Maybe I should contact MTV about following us around with a camera.  Our conversations go from G-rated to X- rated in a matter of minutes around here.  Now that would be great television.  Watch out- instead of The Hills everyone will be watching The Salon.

I can’t say I was to surprised when I saw Governor Spitzer had been caught with a call girl. Sex and Power they seem to go hand in hand.  All I have been hearing about at the Salon is  how he is such a dumbass and his wife is a bigger dumbass for standing by his side during this.  I have to agree that I would have  castrated him by now. If I were her I would take this as an opportunity to clean him out.  Sure I will stand by you, in my $5000 designer outfit and shoes.  Hey Govenor Sneaky, this is the time to start cleaning out Harry Winston, after all diamonds are a girls best friend.  If he wants to stick his pickle in the wrong punch than I would make sure he “pays” for it forever.  I did see his wife and a picture of the call girl.  I get it but, the problem is I think one of his kids is the same age as the call girl.  Pervert! I totally understand him wanting to be spanked and called someones bitch- I mean who doesn’t like that, but he had to have known someone would notice him hanging out at a hotel with a young hotty for hours.  Did he not learn anything from the Blow Job scandal that rocked the media during the Clinton days! If you are a man in power and need to get someone to dress you up like a babydoll, spank you and call you Bitch- take it outside the country.  No one cares about you there and you and your pickle can get as naughty as you want. Dumbass!

Take one part glamorous, musical diva, one part silky black piano and five parts of pure male sex appeal. Add all the parts together, stir in a few cigar ashes and you get a smoking hot Birthday greeting that’ll knock you off your feet. A song written just for you because quite frankly…you are that special! So get off your chair and be prepared to shake what your mama gave you…

To view “Paco’s Birthday Song” and other cool Viva Vogue E-Cards like it visit www.vivavogue.com. Don’t forget to check the site weekly to see all the latest and amazing Viva Vogue E-Cards available. Send them to your sisters; send them to your friends. Join the worldwide revolution!

There are many different ways to track our path through life. We have old scrapbooks full of cute and bouncy baby pictures. Glamorous shots of us during our “big hair” years and during the “yes leg warmers were cool” stage. (It really did exist – you just don’t want to admit it out loud). We’ve grown – both up and out – and that sometimes isn’t such a good thing. Why can’t we be more like trees and just grow a few internal rings to mark our age? It would make life so much better. No one would have a clue how old we were unless they sliced us in half. It would be ideal! But nooooo! We have to leave hard evidence lying about for everyone to see. Bottles of hair dye, a tube of wrinkle resistant cream and of course our underwear…God help us all!

To view “The Panty Timeline” and other cool Viva Vogue E-Cards like it visit www.vivavogue.com. Don’t forget to check the site weekly to see all the latest and amazing Viva Vogue E-Cards available. Send them to your sisters; send them to your friends. Join the worldwide revolution!